I am interested in a little known watery journey around the eastern United States called The Great Loop. It traverses six thousand miles of fresh and salt water in oceans, lakes, rivers and canals from Canada to Key West. The books I have read and the “loopers” I have talked to have a common thread. Once the initial discussion of equipment, logistics and finances is finished, the talk turns to the relationships that after all the diesel is burned, turn out to be the most memorable aspect of the trip.
I began to think of friendship a few weeks ago while my wife and I visited two dear friends from my college days. They live in the Pacific Northwest surrounded by mountains and deep blue lakes and evergreen forest. They are also surrounded by a loving expatriate community from the lower 48 that is drawn together by a love of their newfound home and by an obsession with the Chicago Bears.
As we gathered with them I noticed members of the group asking my friends if they were going to see them at church on Sunday. Now, we have been friends for over twenty years and I never heard of them attending church. As unlikely as it appeared, I wondered if there had been a conversion since our last visit.
Not wanting to interfere I hesitated to ask, but curiosity got the best of me and I blurted out the question. A positive response would not have been a problem. Each-to-their-own is my motto, but it turns out that on game day they convene “church”, collectively sharing in the tragedy and elation that comes from being rabid Bears’ fans.
Celebrating with local delicacies and potent hooch they have built a community not an exclusive club. Although I am an outsider with no interest in sport, I was welcomed with open arms and sent away with big bear hugs.
Over the week of our visit several of the congregants invited us to a superb vegetarian dinner and then on a day with a rare clear blue sky we helped press homegrown apples for cider. All were in attendance, and took joy in the work and fellowship.
How do we quantify these relationships, whether short or long term. Some friends we retain from school, some from work; some are old flames and some are friends of old flames; some friendships are made through adversity and some through good fortune; and some just because—no other reason needed.
I have been lucky: caring parents and a supportive spouse, health and curiosity, the good fortune to live in the land of the free and the privilege to have lived with diverse cultures. To top it off, I have spent as much time on the water as in the library, and for whatever reason, was chosen to train in medicine.
The amity of the people that have fostered me, and their participation in my joy and sorrow is inestimable. The insight and the experience that leads to fellowship is not a random act. There is an art to it and a common interest can accelerate the process.
Tea is such a thing. I appreciate the strong bonds that have been formed with my fellow students and teachers. The first real heartfelt losses for me were the passing of my teachers. It was only after the death of my father that I began to understand the strong emotions I felt at their deaths.
I have started to comprehend the consequences of my choices. They shape a life and of all the decisions taken, the ones to pursue friendship have been the most fulfilling, for if not for camaraderie what good the journey.
Volume 5780 (4), 10/16/2009
