Saturday, December 27, 2014

Renew

The sun disappears early from the sky as the earth creep towards the winter solstice, a harbinger of the time when it will begin to renew itself. When I was a kid waiting for Christmas, it was a slow painful time. These days and nights, I am not so anxious. Time can pass as slowly or as quickly as it likes, I am only along for the ride.

Whatever is running the show has been attentive enough to provide me with the physical attributes to sense and to comprehend what is going on around me. I can see, hear, touch, and taste my morsel of the universe; and I can use the information gained to make judgments about the world. This all requires thought, reflection, and a bit of discernment.

To live in the higher latitudes contributes to such thoughts. As the cold and dark seeps through my insulated defenses, I begin to ponder. The sirens of places I never thought interesting work their way into my thoughts. Drawn to the warm salty water I spent my first 9 months in I cajole Charlotte to scour the web for the cheapest airfare south. But this desire to flee south is only part of the story. I now have the time to think.

Thinking is an odd concept. Plenty of neuroscientists are trying to decipher the mechanics — the anatomy and chemistry — of it. I doubt they will ever find where the soul exists or how one thought leads to another.

Thinking begets thinking. The brain is plastic, it response to a workout. But I try not to deceive myself. I realize that thinking by itself may not bring happiness or prevent Alzheimer’s. The universe is not a compassionate place. There are no guarantees. No quid pro quo.

Concentrating on this makes my brain ache. I can feel the neurons firing off their little packets of neurotransmitters across my synapses. I admit that these are just the musing of an over educated individual with time on his hands. But still, each day I challenge myself to focus on detail, to try to understand, to see what there is to see, and to listen to what there is to listen too.

I look forward to the few minutes longer each day the sun remains in the sky, even with winter’s feeble light. I long for the green to reappear in my north side neighborhood’s canopy.

But despite the light, spring is a long way off. There is still time for thought. There is still time to renew the connection to my inner universe. There is time before I cast off the yoke of thought, and move into a more physical existence aided by the warmth of a renewed sun.

December 2014