Nature is a vague concept. For city dwellers it is a far off place to venture to. There should be adventure and a little danger involve in the trek. Nature is found in mountains and jungles and amongst ocean waves. Most experience nature second hand through the eyes of rutty explorers on PBS or The Discovery Channel, but I go about my day surrounded by it.
On the surface this is a ridiculous assertion from a person with tongue depressors in one pocket and a stethoscope in the other. Nonetheless I contend that interacting with nature’s most remarkable creation is as close to nature as I can get.
First thing in the morning I scan my schedule for new patients. I enjoy the initial interaction. It keeps my brain stimulated; searching for a feeling or a thought, call it intuition, to begin unraveling the mystery present in each person. The schedule seldom presents me with clues and when it does, such declarations are rarely the entire story. It is anyone’s guess whom, with what, will show up.
Nature is illusive. It creeps up on me as I walk between examining rooms. My brow furrows. I concentrate, thinking it will reveal itself, but it fades. I can feel, almost taste it, but it is just out of my grasp. Instead of frustration, I find the vagueness comforting. To be at a stage of my life where nature feels comfortable enough to hover close is more than I can hope for.
Moving quickly from room to room I wonder if this is a way to spend a life. Most of what I do is fill out perplexing forms, laden with questions begging answers that do not exist for the circumstances patients find themselves in. The forms demand to be completed. Instead of using skills learned through long study and hard experience to start the process of healing, I search for creative ways to dot the I’s and cross the T’s.
Thankfully, this is not always the case. This day a friend/patient is waiting to see me in one of my little rooms. We reviewed his medication, I examined him and then ordered a few test to monitor the effectiveness of his treatment. We talk fleetingly about the biochemistry involved in his prescriptions (he is a chemist) and then he brings up Supernova 2007bi.
This often happens when we meet. It might not be this specific supernova or a supernova at all, but whatever it is, it is usually many parsecs away. This is nature represented by neutrinos, gamma and x-rays, dark matter, collapsing iron cores of massive stars, luminous dust clouds of nebula, and black holes that spin whole solar systems at relativistic speeds around and around their centers.
These are near impossible to imagine, but not impossible to measure. We have spent thousands of years observing nature. Our data collecting skill accelerated with the help of advances in engineering, material and computer science, mathematics and least we not forget, chemistry and physics. What we need now is time to interpret the details and come up with a grand vision. Even then, I cannot help but feel that nature will remain an ephemeral idea.
I am not sure why these premonitions appear at work. Are they trying to catch me off guard? When I get them I hope for lunch. Maybe then I can sit and think. This seldom happens. If I manage to get some time I scurry out the back door before things intercede. A pager is attached to my hip. It will lure me back if need be.
Once outdoors a core of old stylized buildings surround me. A range of empty high-rise condominiums hems these in. There are the local panhandlers on their designated corners. They recognize me, and though I have never contributed to their well being, they address me, “How’s ya doing today boss?” I nod and keep moving across a large eight-lane road that reluctantly permits me to cross. Then I walk into the heart of the city.
At times I have coffee and a donut for lunch or a sandwich or nothing, just walk. I wonder is there nature amongst the concrete, asphalt and Corten steel. Of course the answer is yes. Men and women, humankind, envelop me.
Depending on the season I study different aspects. It is winter now, so the pickings are slim. I analyze gait, but this is hampered if there is rain or snow. I glimpse faces, but here again if Lou Rawls Mighty Hawk is blowing, heads are tucked deep into collars and scarves are wrapped around and around necks.
I think of spring and what peculiar fashion will materialize. Last summer young women were wearing shorts with knee high boots. This winter, as if in opposition, young males are dressed appropriately from head to mid torso, then with shorts exposing hairy legs and the inevitable tacky tattoo. There are always the homeless layered in multiples of coats and blankets, seemingly afraid to discard any, least they not have them when times get worse. They dress the same no matter what the season.
I typically spend too much time wandering and must hurry back to the office. Deep thoughts are difficult to ponder with heart racing and breath coming in short spurts. I take different paths hoping for inspiration, but become distracted watching college freshmen shivering and puffing on their ten dollar a pack cigarette.
Nature pokes and prods at this city dweller all day, and even though it fails to reveal itself, I will it away … I have forms to complete!
Volume 5792 (4), 1/22/2010
